sometimesalex
I only recently learned what queer meant, after joining my college's LGBT group. In my Women in Literature class, we spoke about Queer Theory, and our presenter mentioned how straight couples could be queer, because the acts they perform are not gendernormative (I think I'm using that right.) But then you said "oh my god straight people leave my queer alone it is mine not yours" and now I don't understand again. What does queer mean, and why can't heterosexuals be queer?
man
just heads up, trigger warning for homophobia/slurs stuff below
look, here’s my stance on that word. I grew up being called queer as an extremely violent pejorative slur. I was punched in the face while called that. I was locked inside the locker room without anything but my underwear once, and they wrote “FAGGOT QUEER” on my locker. my parents called me that word, and they said it with malice and hatred.
it is a slur. it is not one to me in the context that I use it because I’m reclaiming it. I am actively trying to strip that word of the power it had when used against me by identifying specifically as queer.
that. word. is. a. slur.
(obviously in that context. i actually adore deeply reading it in The Lord of the Rings right now because when it’s not said in the context of me being a GROSS DIRTY GAYSEX GAY, it’s a rad word. I love it.)
so here’s the thing
theory only goes so far in my opinion. if a heterosexual couple feels they’re going against their gender roles in the bedroom, more power to ‘em. call yourselves queer to one another. that’s rad. do your own thing. that doesn’t affect me in the slightest.
but when someone comes at me and tries to tell me they’re queer because maybe the dude gets pegged in the bedroom
man
get that shit out of my face
in exactly 0% of all social situations ever, that person and that couple will be read as queer. i never got the choice to identify as being gay or queer. i was a little queer faggot sinner since i was about 9 or ten years old, and that word was assigned to me, and used against me for extreme acts of violence, abuse, bullying, and – i know this word is thrown around a lot online, but i fucking mean it – oppression.
the nerve that someone has to appropriate a word that they have the glorious luxury of choosing or waltzing into because of something they do in the privacy of their own bedroom that exactly zero people will ever see or know about
that shit aint fucking right y’all.
it’s so weird to me that this is popping up because when i was a little babygay at cal state long beach and doing lgbt activism, we HAD these people who would come to our groups for support or advice. it was rad because straight couples were like “we want to explore this stuff and our straight friends are boring judgmental bigots and we would much rather talk to queer people about sexual experimentation in our relationship.”
and we welcomed them with open arms. we were flattered, we were proud, and we wanted to help
but when it came time to discussing things like activism, or having gay support groups, or even our general queer-y events and such
both heterosexual couples who would come to some meetings always respected us and sat out
and they rationalized it in exactly the same way! like, we will never ever ever ever face the systematic shit that these people do, so it’s not our place to be in the space when they need to be with other queers and gay folk
so that’s my stance on it. do i want to queer up everything? yes, forever until the end of time. are you straight? then you better proceed with EXTREME caution, tact, and respect about this sort of shit. have some common courtesy for what people have gone through and for what people have suffered, you know?
(PS: this is legit like my favorite ask of the last year. bravo, sometimesalex!!! <3)
