(Submitted by punkcub through my submissions box. This whole thing is in reference to a comment I made in this video about a request for fanfic about God introducing Adam to Eve for the first time)
Adam saw God approach. Something he had never seen was walking behind him. It looked much like him, but its upper body bore two fleshy bits, and the bits between its legs were different, too. Adam waved at God, unsure about what to do.
“Hey, Adam,” said God, “I would like to introduce someone to you.”
“Oh?” said Adam, quirking his immaculate eyebrows in query.
“Adam, this is Eve,” said God, gesturing towards the being behind him. He turned towards it and said: “Eve, this is Adam.”
The creature Adam didn’t know smiled, but nervousness flickered across its features, which, Adam had to admit, were quite intriguing him in a manner to which he was not accostumed. “Hello, nice to meet you,” it said, and its voice was soft like the wool of baby lambs he used as a pillow.
Adam raised his hand in greeting. “Hello, nice to meet you, how do you do?”
“How do you do?” it replied.
God smiled benevolently at the two of them. “Adam, this is a woman. You are a man. I want you two to fuck.”
Adam was puzzled at this, but looked politely but inquisitively at God and asked: “Fuck? What does that mean, Lord?”
God reached out and touched Adam’s penis. “Adam, this is your penis. I want you to put it inside her – here!” And with that, he reached over and touched the opening at the front bottom of Eve’s torso.
As much as Adam was an obedient son, he was nevertheless shocked at this query. “But Lord!” he exclaimed, “that is where my pee comes out! Does it come out of it… her, too?”
God laughed a laugh that Adam would have described as grandfatherly, had grandfathers been invented yet. “Well, sort of, but don’t worry, I have it all figured out and put in different systems, not like birds, who fuck and piss and shit from the same holes. Though in good time, you shall have descendents who will enjoy to pee and poo on each other. All as I willed.”
And with that, God the Lord left them so that they could fuck.
OH MY GOD
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- yaflash said: OBVIOUS GENIUS.
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- not-you-greenberg said: My favourite is the casual “blasphemy” tag.
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- silverilly said: UM THIS MAKES ME TERRIFYINGLY HAPPY
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- brieana90 said: biblical fanfiction is the best.
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